Conclusion of Variety

For years I had never had interest in going to Las Vegas. It seemed expensive and I never had an interest in gambling or abusive drinking so why bother. I was more interested in a place like New Orleans which has abusive drinking, sex, jazz, and gumbo and I love gumbo.

Since I moved to San Diego I realized that I’m not that far from Vegas, only a 4-5 hour drive (assuming I dodge traffic). With it that close I figure why not.

So, May 8-10th I’ll be in Las Vegas with Stephanie. We already have our room reserved and the days taken off and now it’s just a matter of heading up there. Not sure what we’ll do and anyone I ask bombards us with suggestions, all of which sound ok but nothing that is a must see (we are actually missing Penn and Teller by a week :/ )

So, we’ll just go with the flow and let Vegas lead the way. Hopefully I’ll be money and not make an ass of myself. I’ll have to take tips from all the exciting vegas movies including Fear and Loathing, Go, Swingers, and Leaving Las vegas…. well, maybe not Leaving Las Vegas.

On Wednesday night I went to Jonathan’s house to make characters for the HERO game we are starting up. The only problem was that I had already made my character and I had nothing to do. As a result I ended up watching a tennis match with Michelle. I got very excited over it and Albert (another gaming friend) asked me if I played. I told him I did and we both admitted to being out of practice so we set a date and on Friday afternoon (after buying new grip because my tennis bag and everything in got moldified) I was on the court with Albert and his girlfriend Jenny.

It was a blast not having whacked at the ball since playing with my dad during Christmas. Albert and I agreed to play again so it looks like it might become fairly regular. If we improve enough I might considering looking into league play.

After realizing that I wasn’t beach ready I decided to remedy the situation and bought new shorts, sun tan lotion, and a beach towel. On Sunday afternoon I headed down to the beach by myself layed in the sun and read my book. I had never done this and it was fun but after an hour I got uncomfortable and left.

When Stephanie found out she became jealous because she was at an airport returning from a family reunion so I told we could and lay on the beach and read.

I think it is safe to say I have had problems with self esteem all my life and it feels like once I pick myself up I just get knocked back down. When issues like this come up for me I usually fall into tears. Some major self esteem moments and issues include:

- Failing the AP Pascal exam my senior year in HS. I had never studied for a test like I did that test and still I crapped out.
- Having to switch majors from Computer Science to English
- Not being accepted to the Jet Program (a program where you teach English in Japan)
- Trouble getting a job when I first graduated from college in 2000, and then again when I moved to San Diego.
- Not able to find a date in college.

I am sure there were many other things that contribute to this but those were some major ones. I normally cry for half an hour or so and then buck up and eventually pull myself out of it and improve my life. I feel like I have done this in San Diego and have successfully started a life here having gotten myself a job, a place to live, a decent wage, and health insurance mostly on my own. (Shout out to Maya for helping me get down here and paying for just about everything that first year and my parents for the financial and emotional support).

I also managed to get a awsome girlfriend. In some ways almost too awsome. Stephanie has it so together, is so incredibly smart, critical thinker, gorgious, doing well in her career, focused. There were so many great things that I started to feel flawed and it started to chip away at my self esteem. That I, in comparison, am a loser, L7. I would think “how, can a girl this amazing be interested in a guy like me.” Of course I knew this was my self esteem getting in the way and would tell myself that I was just psyching myself out. It helped a little but still, I had to confront her with it.

I couldn’t harbor these feeling for too long else they tear me up and make me feel worse about myself. Monday night I was really upset crying as I walked home as if I can’t love myself how can I love someone else. I desperatly looked for someone to talk to and started calling everyone I knew I started to fall into crisis on my biggest emotional weakness. Thankfully, Jonathan, gave up his Monday Heavy Gear game to let me spill my guts and talk some since into me (so, thanks for that, I really really appreciate it).

So, I talked with Stephanie and after a long chat we smoothed things over and I hope even closer. I think I can say we are no longer just dating but in for long haul. Final shout out to Stephanie for being so understanding and wonderful. I couldn’t have picked a better a girl.

I didn’t think I was going to do anything this weekend. Was I wrong. Saturday afternoon Stephanie came over and we headed down to the beach as it was a perfect day. Seems like our idea wasn’t original as there were alot of people down on the beach.

I had worn shorts for the first time this summer which was nice. We sat in the sand for about thirty minutes then walked along the water for about half a mile. Typical beach scene with lots of surfers people playing frisbee, football, volleyball and some game with a paddle and a little ball. We then turned around on the boardwalk and walked back.

This all was a quick reminder that I don’t have beach gear so sometime in the near future I need to get: beach towel, sunscreen, sandles, and shorts (as the current ones I have are too big).

The next day I went whale watching with Jonathan and Michelle. Stephanie couldn’t go because she had to work a Weight Watchers meeting. We headed over to the pier and boarded at 9:15. We pulled out about 10 min later. We were at the front of the boat and it was a little chilly especially with the wind. When we hit the ocean the waves started coming in making the boat rock which was tons of fun. After about 15 min of this I got a cup of coffee and sat down.

It was a nice relaxing ride. Luckily, I didn’t get sick but it was amusing watching other people who were. We didn’t get to see any whales because it was the last day of the season but they were nice enough to give us rain checks. We did get to see hundreds of dolphins who would charge the boat and ride the wake and they were entertaining.

I plan on going again but next time scheduling more to the middle of the season and make sure that Stephanie can go.

Since I have moved to San Diego I have been having trouble finding and getting motivated to read novels. Since I moved here I managed to get in:

Morbid Initiation (cheesy vampire book)
Maia (fantasy book)
Starlight Rising (scifi and I only read half)
Perdido Street Station (bizarre victorian fantasy, only half)
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (best book I’ve read in a long time)
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay (Currently reading)

I use to read all the time. I spent most of my college years reading novels to the point that I got a degree in it. After graduating I read a lot less but still got in the occasional novel and then moved to San Diego where I came to almost a complete stop.

I want to read more and I have tons of books that need reading. I tell myself “I don’t have time” which is true but also an excuse. I currently don’t have the time to cozy up to a novel in the evening so like anything I have to make time. I a “New Years Resolution” kind of way I’ve set myself reading goals.

I have taken “The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay” with me to work. During my lunch break I plan on reading around 15-20 pages. This would put me at 15-20 pages a day or 75-100 pages over a 5 day work week. My goal is to get around 100 pages a week so I can use any extra time during evening and the weekends to meet that goal or preferebly go over.

This would put me at around 400 pages a month or about the length of a novel. With this in mind I want to be able to read 6-12 books a year which would be perfect for me.

So, today begins the first day of reading regularly. I of course plan on reviewing the books in Live Journal.

So, I decided to create a livejournal account and post in that. It is mostly for the community aspect of the page and because Stephanie is a big player there. I still plan on updating this one but keeping it focused on major events (keeping things like the Invisible Boat for Livejournal) or things about moi where my livejournal will be pointless opinions about rpgs and movies. So, if you are really bored and want to read that one you can find it here:

Live Journal

I had a busy weekend. Starting with Friday Stephanie and I wanted to do something a little different and it had been awhile since we tried dancing. We decided to go to a dance club in the Gaslamp District downtown. I knew nothing about the clubs down there so asked my friends and got a consensus on two places: The Broadway, and E-street Alley. The Broadway seemed extremely popular so I thought it might be more crowded and decided to go to E-Street Alley.

Before the club we ate dinner with Mark, his g/f Nancy and there friends at a place downtown called Pokez which was a whacky place with a skater/punk/mexican decor. The food was good and we had a good time. Mark and company then left and Stephanie and I headed to a coffee shop to kill some time.

We then ended up at the club and had to stand in line for about 10min. We headed down to the club, $30 cover for the both of us and we were in. First thing I did was get a glass of wine. We looked around and couldn’t find a tecno dance hall, only hip hop. After awhile of trying to figure out what was going on we headed into the hip hop dance area where no one was dancing and it was already 11. I then convinced Stephanie to join me to shake my bootie hip hop style… well, not really. We danced but like two white washouts as everyone around us was thrusting there asses into their partners crotch and grinding. We did this for about 45 minutes then left. I later found out that we were in the right place but somehow missed an entire section of the club.

The next day was all about roleplaying. A local online forum for rpgs decided to put together a 12 hour gaming extravaganza. I got there around noon and left at midnight. Everyone had a good time and I ran Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and played in Adventure!

Finally, on Easter I met Stephanie’s mom and her husband, Ken for the first time. I was pretty nervous but it went fairly smoothly. Stephanie and her mom get along really well and they hadn’t talked in awhile so they got to gossip and catchup while Ken and I quietly listened commenting every now and then. We had ham, cranberry stuff, and pasta salad that was good. I got an extra bonus as Stephanie had used horseradish for the cranberry stuff and I got to put it on my home. Remind me of New Mexico.

The display business has been doing extremely well and recently doubled in size both physically and in employees. Last Monday we were taken by chaos as we hired a new guy and I had to stay an extra 3 hours to help rearrange our area.

The next day resulted in much drama. It started with having to set up all the computers, then the server crashing, and the phones not working correctly. Then the new guy kept leaving which pissed off one of the sales guys. The new guy then gave his payroll information out loud and we discovered he was making more money then the rest of us. The caused the sales guy to call the management who were at a convention in Las Vegas.

A number of conversations took place resulted in the new guy calling the sales guy a big baby on the phone, the sales guy pulling him outside and other such nonsense.

And what did this all result in. A raise for me!!!! I didn’t even have to ask for it. So, I get insurance this Friday and my raise next pay period.

I received another Valentine from Stephanie with the message that she didn’t get the joke. I looked at it and didn’t get it either so I’ll post it here for my millions of fans to decipher and either explain or guess at the meaning.

I met with Maya, my x-girlfriend, on Sunday for lunch. Needless to say I was nervous. I hadn’t seen since she helped me move into my apartment back in the middle of June 2004 and soon after that almost completly cut off contact after I received an email from her saying she did not want to see me indefianitly.

A month or two ago I decided to email her and see how she was doing which led to an exchange of emails. Maya than asked to meet with me and I agreed after checking with Stephanie to make sure she didn’t have a problem with it.

Yesturday I drove up to “Island’s” and saw her for the first time in 9 months. It went well, no drama. We talked for about 3 hours, mostly catching up.

I found out that she isn’t happy living in San Diego and is joining the Peace Corp and teach kids english for 2 years with plans to return to California (San Fran) as a teacher.

I discovered that I still like talking to her but understand now that seperating was the best thing for us. If she was staying we could have possibly even been friends. We’ll probably meet up again and I’m currently in negotians for buying some of her stuff before she moves.